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Even in dating situations, being willing to walk away is an implicit statement of “I don’t want to play this game”.
It isn’t about weakness or failure; it’s about enforcing one’s boundaries and refusing to allow others to try to induce you into lowering them.
The fear of giving up applies to more than just dating.
There have been several times when people I have been advising have reached this stage and have demanded to know: “Are you saying I should change who I am? ” My response is very simple: “How is ‘being yourself’ working out for you so far? This was an issue I struggled with when I was first trying to improve dating life (and by extension myself).
it’s one of the biggest regrets in my life, up there with not getting treatment for depression – and all because I saw giving up as a weakness rather than a potential strength.
We see suggestions to change our identity as indictments of ourselves on a deep and personal level because we grow up believing that our identities are what we’re born with, natural and immutable.
When you say that someone needs to change who they are, it’s perceived as an insult because you can’t help who you are, after all. Our sense of self, of “who we are” changes decisions as much as they are reactions to experiences.
Those changes came so slowly and gradually that, unless you’re a preternaturally mindful individual, you didn’t notice them.